LETTING GO

I don't want you to try to talk another person intostaying with you, loving you, calling you, caringabout you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.I mean hang up the phone.When people can walk away from you let them walk.Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.People leave you because they are not joined to you.And if they are not joined to you, you can't make themstay. Let them go.And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, itjust means that their part in the story is over. Andyou've got to know when people's part in your story isover so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to knowwhen it's over. Let me tell you something.If you are holding on to something that doesn't belongto you and was never intended for your life, then youneed to ..LET IT GO!!!If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...LET IT GO!!!If someone can't treat you right, love you back, andsee your worth...LET IT GO!!!If someone has angered you ...LET IT GO!!!If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil andrevenge .LET IT GO!!!If you are involved in a wrong relationship oraddiction ...LET IT GO!!!If you are holding on to a job that no longer meetsyour needs or talents ..LET IT GO!!!If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!If you keep judging others to make yourself feelbetter...LET IT GO!!!If you're stuck in the pastLET IT GO!!!If you are struggling with the healing of a brokenrelationship......LET IT GO!!!If you keep trying to help someone who won't eventry to help themselves..LET IT GO!!!If you're feeling depressed and stressed ....LET IT GO!!!Let the past be the past.Forget the former things.LETTING GO TAKES LOVETo let go does not mean to stop caring,it means I can't do it for someone else.To let go is not to cut myself off,it's the realization I can't control another.To let go is not to enable,but allow learning from natural consequences.To let go is to admit powerlessness, which meansthe outcome is not in my hands.To let go is not to try to change or blame another,it's to make the most of myself.To let go is not to care for,but to care about.To let go is not to fix,but to be supportive.To let go is not to judge,but to allow another to be a human being.To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,but to allow others to affect their destinies.To let go is not to be protective,it's to permit another to face reality.To let go is not to deny,but to accept.To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,but to try to become what I dream I can be.To let go is not to regret the past,but to grow and live for the future.To let go is to fear less and love moreRemember: The time to love is short

Latest Update

Wow it has been wayyyyy to long since I have last updated. Well the last two or three months have been a little crazy. Lots of up's and down's. I know this was a summer is a summer I will never forget. I feel like I have grown a lot and I learned ALOT about myself. First off the trip to New York was amazing. By far one of the best weeks of my life. I went with two really close friends Mary and Lauren, the trip was not only amazing but brought the three of us much closer together. I had forgotten what a true friendship was up until that trip. So that trip in general was a huge positive!
I had a little summer fling, which was also a learning experience. We dated for about 2 1/2 months to long =]. It was doomed from the beginning haha. I did walk away with a little bit of a broken heart but nothing major. I basically came to the conclusion that...if I am not happy with myself how can I be happy with a man? I don't just mean physically I mean mentally emotionally spiritually. All of that. I need be happy with myself before I can even think about giving any part of myself to a man. So that is what I am working on now. I have been writing in my journal daily, I also started a food journal which has really helped. I am working out at between a 3- and 60 minutes a day and last but not least I have decided to become vegan. I am about three days in and I feel WONDERFUL! My body already feels so much healthier and more energetic. Of course this is going to be a hard process but I am determined to conquer this.
I have decided that for the next 90days I will be on a stick no men, no sex no alcohol and no parties. I need to really focus on my future and what matters. This will let me focus on ME. Nothing and no one else but ME. I am hoping to really be able to figure myself out and fix some of my physical and emotional flaws. I have been saying my daily affirmations and I really hoping by the end of these 90 days I will be saying them and whole hearted believing them. Just saying them makes me feel better so I know it's making some sort of difference.
Anyway I am almost down 100 lbs. I have about 2lbs to go and I will have hit 100! It is so crazy for me to think that I have lost that much weight! I am hoping now that I am in this healthy lifestyle the next 50 or 60 with just fly off. =]
The biggest lesson I have learned this summer is, what doesn't kill you only makes your stronger. And I am getting stronger everyday =]
I'll update again soon!
xoxo
Amanda

80lbs DOWN

FEEL AMAZING! This week has been crazy my grandparents are in town and I started summer school! UGH! I wish things could just slow down! haha but everything is good and I feel great! update again soon!

Update....

Man I love summer! It's so nice to wake up and feel the sun shining on you! I love it!! So lots of things have happened the past couple of weeks. I feel my life if FINALLY back on track and heading in a great direction!
I am going back to the hospital to volunteer, which I am very excited about. I am hoping by getting back into that endowment I will be able to network and meet lots of people, hopefully open some door.
I am re-taking my EMT class to get re certified, that way I can go apply with a couple of companies and hopefully a couple hospitals to work as an ER tech. It would be great to get some hands on experience before I transfer.
Speaking of school...I just started my summer classes =[ ugh not fun at all but I am glad by the end of the summer I will have between 9 and 12 credits out of the way. I decided to wait until spring to transfer to Holy Names. I figure I could use the extra couple of months to work save money and get a couple more credits at CC before I make the move. It's a very expensive school, so the more credits I can get at CC the better I am when I transfer.
I am also looking into a couple abroad programs, why not travel as much of the world as you can and get credit for it right? =] So I am hoping with after this summer session I can seriously look into those programs. It's amazing how many great opportunities come your way when you stay focused in school. NEVER thought that would happen =]
OH and more exciting news....I am going to New York in July with two girlfriends. It's going to be AMAZING I can't wait! It's going to be such a great get a way. Plus I have said since I was young that I was born to be on the east coast. I love everything about it. The people the atmosphere EVERYTHING. So I am very excited about that.
I told myself I want to be as close to 199 as possible before this trip. I am currently 225! So I am around 70lbs down.
I started working out hard this week and plan to keep it up until NY rolls around. I have been doing an hour work out in the afternoon and trying to do between 30 and 40 laps in the pool at night. I am slowly starting to feel the difference in my body. I can finally see things getting smaller and looking better so i feel really good about that.
My grandparents are coming in next weekend from MO so I am very excited about that as well. I haven't seen them in about 2 years. So it's a much needed visit for me and my parents.
SO I have to say overall, I am very happy at this point in time. I feel really motivated and focused. And above everything i feel extremely blesses to be surrounded by my supportive family and friends. I'll update again soon!

xoxo
Amanda

THOUGHTS

 So I am 60 lbs down and I feel great. I am noticing that now I can eat without hurting as much. I only hurt or get sick if I eat to quick or take to big of bites. So I am trying to really slow down with everything. I am also getting back to working out starting tonight. I am going to start getting back into my morning and evening routine. I really want to get toned and keep things as tight as possible. 

 I can't wait for school to be over. Well I mean this semester. I am ready for a little break. I am really hoping this summer session will be my last at DVC. I just want to start my life already! I feel like I am kind of getting stuck again. I know I am doing everything to get myself where I need to be but at the same time I can almost feel time flying by me. It's weird, hard to explain. Anyway I am getting back into therapy and that always seems to help get me in the right mind set and helps me stay positive so I am happy about that. Okay i'll update again soon! =]

60LBS DOWN!

JUST HIT 60LBS!!!!!!! I am so excited and feeling WONDERFUL!!!! I am starting to feel really comfortable in my own skin, it's still going to take a while to be fully there but inch by inch "literally" I am getting there! I am almost 3months out FYI =]

52LBS DOWN

I feel amazing! I still don't see a major difference but i am starting to be able to tell. I have gone down a couple pant sizes. I just feel comfortable. I can't wait to be 6months from now. I am hoping by December or January I will be down to my goal weight. 130! Just a quick update! Leaving for spring break in LA! 

I will write again soon!

Amanda

Almost 40lbs down

I am now about 5 weeks out. I am coming up on 40lbs lost. I am at about 38 right now. I feel great. I am working out and eating right everyday. It's amazing how much your life changes FOR THE BETTER when you are living a healthy life style. I am soooo happy with my life... I can't wait to see myself in another couple months. Ill keep everyone updated!

Amanda

26 pounds down

FEELIN GOOD. I AM FEELING LIGHTER THESES DAYS! =]

21lbs DOWN!

Went to my post op appointment a couple days ago, I am down 21lbs so far! I am so happy and so excited!!!!!

I'm off to school!

Write again soon!

3 DAYS OUT!

Okay so it's day 3, out of surgery. Today is diffidently the best one so far. I actually feel human today. Went on long walk this morning with my Dad and puppy, I was exhausted HA HA. But it felt really good to get up and go outside. I am still sore but I really feel good. Now I am ready to start seeing some results. I think i will when I put on jeans for the first time. I know I probably wont put jeans on for at least another week or so. I am hoping the first time I go to put them on they are loose! =] We will find out.
It was pretty painful the first couple of days. It hurts to burp, but feel so GREAT when I do! =] No much else to update on at the moment. But I will keep you all updated with everything, for sure. I am very excited now and looking only into a POSITIVE future. Write again soon!

20 Minutes until I leave!

Okay I am kind of freaking out. I am leaving in about 20 minutes to go have my gastric bypass surgery. I tried to get some sleep but I have got ZERO! Plus I have not eaten at all in the past 24 hours...So my brain and body are on total over load at the moment. I am trying to stay very calm and relaxed. I keep telling myself to take deep breaths and just remember this is going to change my life for the better. I have BOTH my parents with me and my best friends waiting for me to come into recovery later. So I am happy I am going in with such great support. I know it would be much harder if I didn't have my family, my parents mostly. Anyway....OK! I am off...to make the most life changing decision of my life! Sorry if this post seems off or repetitive..like I said my mind is all scattered at the moment. Okay Love you all....post in a couple days when I am up and moving! Please think good thoughts for me!
WISH ME LUCK!!! =]

12 DAYS!!!!

SOOOOOO... I have 12 days until my surgery. I am getting more and more excited. I find myself day dreaming alot... thinking about what I will look like and what my life will be like 9 months from now... I wonder what its going to be like to be thin. I don't think I will ever be skinny... which is fine with me..I just can't wait to be thin and healthy. I wonder how much better life is going to be!? The more I think about it the more nervous I get. I just hope my recovery is smooth. I am trying to prepare myself for the worst and hope for the best. I have really been trying to get into a routine at the gym and If i don't get to the gym I am walking my dog. I am really trying to train my mind and body to stay active. I think it has worked out pretty well so far.

  I can't believe I am having the surgery the day after my 20Th birthday. It is exciting but at the same time totally sucks because I am going to be a total wreck. I think two of my girlfriends are gonna spend the night the night before to help me get through it they are gonna stay at the hospital with my family while i am in surgery to. SO that makes me feel pretty good.=]

ok back to work! =] Enough day dreaming! =]

Quote:

"Tough times don't last, tough people do"

Blah..

Feeling weird today. Getting more and more nervous as the days get closer and closer to the surgery. It's 15 days away! YIKES! I feel like it's a good nervous though. I just want my life to skip forward to a month from now ha ha. I am so excited to start this new life I am going to have. I can' wait to be healthy and completely comfortable in my own skin. I think by summer 2010 I will be ready to go to the beach in a bathing suite...I think that will be the day I know I have made my dreams really a reality. I can't wait for that day! 

 Now back to some more Homework!... Lucky me! =]

It's a bittersweet day when you realize it's time to "grow up",continue forward towards your future and leave those behind who are holding you back of slowing you down. I think I have been hiding from this day for the past year and half. But now with my surgery coming closer and closer I know I need to face all my fears and reservations so that the day I get out of the hospital I can not only start my new healthy life physically, but start it emotionally healthy as well. I don't know why I have the fear of letting go of my past. Well I think I have a little idea but I am still not fully sure why. My whole life I have feared change. I feel over the years I have become much better at accepting and making the best of the changes in my life. I don't know why when I think of change I think the worst. This year so far has all been good change. Everything that has changed in my life in the past 9 months has been for the better and has made me a better person. I think I have conditioned myself to fear it for so long, my mind doesn't know any better.
So I have about 3 weeks or so until my life changes forever, FOR THE BETTER. Before that day comes I have to face all my fears face on and tell them they will not be coming into this next part of my life. As hard has that is going to be...I know in my heart and my mind it will be for the absolute best. I have LET negative people and food run my life for the past 19 years. They controlled my mind and body, but never again will I allow them to have that power. I told myself every day that I am in control but I never truly believed it. The day I finally started to believe myself was the day I began to make actual changes in my life. I have not looked back since and it feels great!


Personal Quote of the day:"Find out who you are, and do it on purpose!"

First day of blogging

HELLO WORLD!

So where do  I start? Well it's 2009 the year of big changes... not only as a country but as individuals. I figure setting up this blog is a set in the right direction for me... My name is Amanda. I am 20 years old and in about 20 days or so I will be going in to have gastric bypass preformed. I have now met a couple people who have suggested I start blogging, not only to express my emotions but also to hopefully meet and reach out to others who are under going a weight loss procedure. I originally was going to keep my posts private,then I thought if my post's could be of help to anyone it would be much more useful and beneficial in the end. My life is pretty crazy on a day to day basis. Something is always happening or going on. I hope to share my life with all of you and get some support and help along the way. 

My personal Quote of the Day:

"Live.Laugh.Change."